Hectic semester coming to an end soon!

Finally the semester is coming to an end next week! I've been rushing tons of assignments like no tomorrow. Making an information kiosk, and also the hellish assignments for my Text and Image class. I was searching for information for my final project, and I came across a Twilight quiz! to see which vampire character are you in Twilight!

I am Jasper! ^^ Honestly, I love Jasper in the movie and even before the movie (the novels). He's so handsome >.<

Which Twilight vampire are you? Your Result: Jasper   You're extremely quiet, not letting others know exactly what you feel. You're very charismatic, if you're happy, it rubs off on other people greatly. You can be quite sly, and careful.
Edward
Carlisle
Rosalie
Alice
Esme
Emmett
Which Twilight vampire are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Sometimes, I think I'm too quiet that people often misunderstood me when I'm not in a very good mood. I wonder how to prevent misunderstandings.

P/S - I love you

Met someone who is different from the people I've known all these years. He do not mind me telling him about my past experience and that I'm older than him. Though it's still hard for me to think about going out with him, it's fun when I chatted with him. He worries about me when I had a mood swing and was quiet the whole time. He did not pry too much, instead he told me that he's willing to hear me out whenever I wanna tell him. And everyday or everynight, he will never miss out his goodnight kiss and at the end of the chat would be "P/S-I love you." He tells me about whatever happens to him everyday, like getting his driving license banned for an invalid and unreasonable reason, his friend's birthday party, his studies. He always tries his best to spend more time with me, eventhough it's impossible to do it face-to-face.

I Need Concentration!!!

I'm on a two weeks break from college now, and it ends this sunday. Ring Ring~ new semester approaching. Right before this holiday, I had a really bad week. Betrayed in various ways, work, college, friends. So to say, I was extremely not in the mood for 'fun' holiday. Now that I live in Rawang, not KL. It feels like I'm being locked up in a new planet in a small locked cage. I don't have a freaking driving license to get out of town whenever I feel bored or when I wanna go for a movie. My mum do not allow me to go hanging out with my friends, though I only had a few... and I mean very very few... I'm not allowed to go out, I mean, shopping in the area that much. My mum's reasons are that she used to be a popular student, the 'Madonna' of Rawang which is from an extremely rich family that no one in Rawang do not know who is she and her family. Well, tough luck, he married my dad who isn't as rich as her dad. She can't buy nice fancy clothes that her friends of her age who is now surrounded by luxury, nor maintain her beauty. In a way, she's to be pitied. So I swore to God and my late granpa, that I, though alone, as a female child, will make a lot of money, even if i don't reach that goal, I'll make enough for my parents to enjoy their life till the end.

But the worst thing is, she being in such circumstance and I trying my very best to concentrate and to refresh my mind to work on my project for my final project/thesis and for my job application. She distracts me like no tommorrow ! Like today, i finally got rid of my depressed mood and was just about to start working on my project, she comes in yelling about this and that which for God's sake, isn't important! and then she screwed my mood for a single piece of shit which isn't worth it. God! FYI I'm working on a comic project, and it's my first time doing this, so I freaking need a hell lot of peace concentration! and why can't she understand that?! even my dad understand this. It's a hell lot of work to do the entire project myself plus I'm working part-time for my former lecturer who is I don't know who's he's working for, an organization or something, am concentrating on working on my part-time job too... anyone who is or who was a workaholic would know what I'm trying to archieve....

You know,... I'm sad... I'm really sad... lonely... and yes... I don't have the confidence to make it as a comic artist or an author. Though people who doesn't know me read my stories and said that it was impressive and I could very well be one, but the thing is I do not have the slightest clue as to how to be a genuine author, I mean a full-time author. What am I to do....? really...

Have He Lost His Sanity?

I tend to not mind other people's business much, but today, my aunt came and I overheard something that my aunt said. Apparently, one of my cousin brother (my mum's side) ran over a kitten with a bicycle. Shocked? Yes! Absolutely!

The very first thing my mum said when she heard about this is, "What is wrong with him?! How can someone be so brutal and cruel!". What I think is he needs to be sent to a mental hospital ASAP. By the way, he was only 9 years old now and the youngest in the family.

It was terrible. My cousin sister who went cycling with him this afternoon, witness the incident. She said that the little kitten had its eyes popped out, it's little legs were broken, there's a lot of blood gushing out from every part of it's body and the kitten wasn't dead on the spot. However, the brutal criminal laughed his ass off looking at the dying kitten.

I can't believe such people exist in my family. It was definitely an awful disgrace! Thank God, he wasn't my blood brother.. It would be hell if he is. Even only by hearing the incident, I was smack with sadness. so is my mum.

May God bless the poor kitten's soul.

Shortlisted for real--!?

i submitted a video for a contest last semester, the work was a piece of crap since i don't have any model or any other equipments, even the camera is not mine... but, i suddenly got shortlisted! i was extremely shocked... though i know i won't get any prize or win anything from such crappy work. my lecturer said that whoever got shortlisted must/preferable go for the event. it was at Sime Darby Convention Centre, 6pm to 12am, 6th August 2009. i didn't have a dress for such events.. and it was a very short notice, only 2 days time to prepare for that night. the hectic 2 days...*sigh*...

on that day, i was both excited and bored at the venue. why? there's no food, no place to sit, and in actual it starts at 8pm! god! ms. katie really trick me good! zZZzzZZzzz... anyway, since there's no food, i went somewhere outside the centre for dinner. when i got back it was around 9pm, and the show was just about to start... this was the 2nd year of NCA a.k.a. Nextgen Contentpreneur Award. so you definitely can't expect much from it. the crowd was small as if there's only 2 secondary school classes students, one of the light malfunction, the backlight was terrifyingly bright as if it's beaming at everyone sitting at the back.

anyway, i did not win any shortlisted prize, let alone an award. well, that's to be expected. since this is my first time to such events, i really gain alot experience from it. socially, mentally and psychologically. yes, it was an amazing day.

Sweet Shared Mocha

i read a story few years back, about a girl who is kind and cheerful saying that food, no matter what is it, always tastes better when you had it with someone you like/admired/close to you. and for this very phrase, i always thought that how can it be true? the food and drinks are the same. same ingredients, same recipe.

but today, i had a new point of view to this... i was doing my assignments with a friend who is so kind to actually fetch me from college to Starbucks Coffee. as i am now, i didn't want to waste my money buying extra expensive drinks. you know, starbucks coffee... and coffee at home... the price is like heaven an hell. so my friend bought her favorite, Mocha. she shared her mocha with me. i love mocha and she knew it even without me telling her! how on earth did she know about this?! anyway, it tastes alot better having lunch or tea with friends. really... i can even finish my huge burger faster than i usually was.

Cheers to Starbucks and A&W. love the marina burger!

Japanese classes? Nah, can't.

As mentioned in my previous post, I'm currently learning the Japanese language by myself. Last night, I found japanese games, and i downloaded 2 games. for the game's sake, i actually learnt that my computer can type and read japanese! hahaha! finally! i can type japanese (though i'm not that good in japanese as to actually read kanji yet. ^^) but it's fun to know that i can learn japanese is so many various ways now. i've got the dictionaries, grammars, worksheets, games and even the software now! i wonder how long to go before i can contribute as a translator... be it, manga, games, animes, movies, etc....

i intended to take even more intense lesson by applying for japanese classes, but due to financial problem, i couldn't go for one. not that my mom discourages me learning languages...

many of my friends would never have thought that i was in a deep financial problem, everyone thought i'm a rich girl...=.=... i wonder why would they think that way... first thing first, i don't even have a nice hairdo like most girls in my college does. i don't have any game platforms (Uh...God, i wish i can have a PSP or NDS... send me one this christmas, dearie santa!!), which was considered cheap to my friends. and what's more? some of my friend who knew that i haven't even got my driving license laughs at me all the time.

Any Manners, Eh?

It's funny how I see indians are getting more and more proud of themselves. Every morning in Rawang, when I was on my way to college, I saw indians crossing streets like chickens walking blindly on a field. Cars driven like it's asleep, going slightly right or left each and every while, making people felt like they wanted to switch to our lane. And what's more? there are no parking rules in Malaysia (as if)...They can actually be so creative and parked 3 layers of cars on a town's street! What the heck happened to the Malaysian? Are there no road rules? Why can't they follow the rules? It's for their safety too...

They can actually stop their car halfway on the street without moving aside and all. It's like they're saying, "Hit me if you dare!" they just carefreely walked to the shop or anywhere, be it, pee-ing on the road side or so when he's actually creating a jam. Annoying people behind his car. And also, the lorry drivers... I can imagine how boring they were driving an overload slow-as-snail lorry everyday, be it morning or night. But something just isn't right when it comes to manners. Just because they drive HUGE lorries doesn't mean they can bully the small cars like Kancil, Kelisa or so, in a way that they rudely cut in lines, switching lanes as they like (like no tomorrow) and parking infront of other people's gate, blocking the way. Seriously,... what's wrong with the society nowadays? Didn't they learn moral when they are in primary school? Didn't their parents teach them any manners? For God's sake! LEARN SOME MANNERS! before driving or getting into the society! And I'm implying this on everyone in Malaysia, not only the indians (which have the highest percentage of road accidents).

After so many times these things happens, I told my friend about it and asked her whether she had encountered any of this before. To my surprise. She had an even worst experience on Road-X-Indian. An  indian driver crashed her car at a T-junction. How? The indian driver at the opposite side of the junction sped and ignored the red light when the light was green at my friend's lane. Bang! They crashed. I was like, "Thank God, she's fine." she got away with only a scratch on her left arm, but not for her car... The passenger's seat was ruin. Damage: 70%.

Drive safely! Learn manners!  Really....

May the King of Pop rest in peace...

It's been 8 days since Michael Jackson passed away tragically on 25th June 2009. It's so very sudden. I felt like I was stabbed with a sharp blade... my mind went completely blank.. tears ran down my cheeks.. I can't even stop crying.. I cried so hard I fell sick. I really don't know what to say or do anymore the moment I read the news the day after my birthday, which I did not enjoy at all. Maybe the reason I did not enjoy my birthday was kind of an omen... Gosh... It's been a really sad week... I was like.. anticipating so much for his new video....

In loving memories of Michael Jackson, the one & only King of Pop

I've been listening to his CDs which I started collecting since I was young. I remembered the very first song I heard when I was around 3-5 years old, Black or White. I got so addicted to it, everytime I saw his video, I'd dance to the rhythm. It's so nostalgic and entertaining... Really, I don't think that the world will get to know another such great entertainer ever again. He broke Elvis Presley's record, and his very own record too, No one! Absolutely no one! had the ability to even break Elvis's record. MJ can dance from the top of his head to the tips of his toe! Sang so uniquely that no one can re-sing his songs so perfectly. He had his very own style and no one can replace it. I tried to book for his concert ticket for his come-back, but I couldn't book fast enough. And now, all I can get to buy is his Number Ones album, both CD and DVD.

MJ's a really good guy in my heart, mind and soul be it before, now and in the future. No matter what the press said about him, bad news especially.. really... I never really believed it... May Michael Joseph Jackson rest in peace.. I'll always be a big fan of you. Faithful fan.

Should I Start Charging Fees?

Really... I really can't understand why people asked me to teach them things like computers, science, maths and all.. when they don't even pay attention to my explaination. It's not like I don't want to teach them things. Verbal teaching = checked! Written teaching = checked! Demonstration teaching = checked! How on earth can they still not know the basics?! They are the ones who aren't listening to the lecture. Plus I don't get paid for helping or teaching them. Is it because it's free that they don't put their heart into learning?

Why would they want to do that? They do not get any benefit from not listening. They don't learn things from just sitting beside me with their face turned the other way. I am a human too. I get tired of repeating same shit every single day for a thousand times. Plus the things I repeat are mostly just basic knowledge which I learnt from primary school... and that is like 10 years ago....

Should I start charging fees for these lessons? How much should I charge if the student is a relative? Really... They are giving me a hard time.. and i have to spend half a day to teach them same shit everyday when i actually have tons of assignments and things to do.

Not a bad death day

i never really thought that i'll live up to this year's birthday. seems like my last birthday and christmas wish did not come true. it really is not a bad idea to die on the same day i'm born. i really wish god.. or anything, can grant me this wish. anyone wanna kill me? will i have an incurable disease tomorrow? or even today.. i'd love to die, any way is fine for me as long as my life ends soon. Hopefully today. i really wish i'd be crush by a lorry or something.

too much feeling of anger, disappointment and sadness bottled up in me. why are my parents allowed to release their anger by telling and this and that to everybody around them? why am i not allowed to do so? whenever i tried to tell them my problems and all, no one ever EVER! seems to want to hear me out. am i such a bother?

i hate my dad. i hate everyone around me! or rather.... i hate myself.. i wish i don't even exist.

Kim Hee-Chul~!

Saw a PV of Super Junior - U and Sorry Sorry today when I was jumping from channel to channel and I saw Hee Chul, the long haired guy in both videos. I was like "My God! How on earth does his hair look so beautiful!?" His hair ish so shiny and I like his dancing. Some people said he looks like a girl and tries hard to stay that way. But I think it's unique. I mean, the band is like conquered with guys with short hair and styles like the Taiwanese or Japanese (neck/shoulder length hair). Honestly, I think Chinese with these kind of hairstyle never look good. (no offence yo) He has longer hair which made him stands out in the video! 

Kim Hee Chul

When I was small, I kept my hair short and people from strangers to close friends and relatives thinks that I look like a boy and kept criticizing. But what I think is, an individual's hair, whatever style is it. Is purely up to the individual, him/herself! We keep our hair the way we love and most comfortable with, what other aliens said shouldn't bother our style. This is what I learnt after I entered college. I used to be so conscious of my looks when I was in primary and high school that I actually lose sight of what's true and what not. It's just like TLC - Unpretty.

Astro Contest!? You gotta be kidding!!!! *dies*

While I was dreaming in the afternoon, I got an annoying call from my college. Asking me to join a design contest. I like designing and drawing but I don't have the time to 'enjoy' the contest, it really is an annoying request from the lecturer. LOL. The caller's name is Katie.

Me: Hello (sounded sore as I had sore throat)
Katie: Hi, Somerset. Just so to let you know, you were asked by the lecturer to enter the Astro Contest. You have to submit the registration form by Monday morning before class starts.
Me: *shocked and completely awake then laugh unbelievably* Is it compulsory to enter?
Katie: Yes. Sorry to say it is compulsory.

After awhile, I logon to the Astro site but I couldn't find the registration form. So I plan to tell her I don't see any form in the site. Hope this no-form-strategy works.

Addicted to The All American Rejects - Gives You Hell

Katie/Lecturer really gives me hell

Hiragana & Katakana

Mwahahaha! i'm finally learning hiragana and katakana myself! yay! few days ago, i went on 4shared.com to look for songs and all, but then i stumbled upon japanese language learning material! i'm swooo~ happy!! i even printed everything out and turned it into a book! *kiss the book* oh god, please bestow me the power to learn all the hiragana and katakana fast! i wanna move on to kanji next!

The first exercise sheet i did few days back. 

sorry for the bad handwriting ^_^. gosh, i'm so excited!

Am I an English-dumb?

i went shopping today and when i was browsing some books, i saw a book cover saying - writed by XXX. i think it should be writen by. am i wrong?

during my class, i saw many people wrote 'founded'. should it be 'founded'? ain't 'found' alone, already meant it's a past-tense? am i wrong? seriously.... people thinks that my english is weird.... am i weird?

can someone please tell me... am i an English-dumb?

I've been wondering...

780 times a day, i wondered whether i'm capable of this line of career. design. 320 days a year i wondered whether my communication skill is good enough for the society. i've always had this thought in my mind. is my skill good enough to survive when i'm on my own? or can i write to live? is my writing good enough to be an author?

as long as i know, my mind has never stopped imagining stories. pictures of each stories that came in my mind were oh-so-vivid, i can even write it out and tell everyone i know about it. but sometimes, it just isn't enough. i want more people to know, i want others to know what's on my mind recently. i want to share my thoughts to people i can trust. however, they weren't many people who understand me. they don't get what's on my mind.. even when i tell them face-to-face and even made gestures and all. it made me somehow,... wondered.... do i really belong here? why can't people understand me? i don't ask or wish for more than one person on earth whom i can share my thoughts with. am i asking too much?

i've been thinking about the hottest question people's been asking me. "don't you wanna move out and live alone?". that's the question... at first, i thought that moving and living alone was way too costly and dangerous in a way, cause' you'll never know what your housemate will be. not to say that i'm discriminating strangers or.. what so ever.. however, after i'd given in a real thought on it. living alone doesn't sound so bad. i could meet more people, and maybe i can find someone out there who can actually sincerely listens and share their thoughts and stories with me. this kind of lifestyle isn't all that bad. that's all just what i thought for now. i'll be graduating in a year and a half. it's still a long way to go before that kind of thing can happen.

Mind-crushing projects

i was planning to finish 1 of my project today (Research Methodology), so i got books and various information from e-libraries. at first scan, all the information i found seems useful, but when i really read into it.... useless craps was all over the article =.= i tried to look for more information and it took not longer than an hour that i had a major headache. i think my fever is getting to me again... honestly, why is it so hard for me to recover? i'm been coughing nonstop today. feels like my throat's gonna burst anytime soon. my group members for another project were just bystanders, they leave things. so eventually i had to do things myself (i wanna get good grades!!! darn it!)

i'm currently learning japanese on my own, due to financial problem i couldn't go for japanese classes. it's really fun to learn languages, even without teachers, i'd still work hard to learn as much as i can by myself. Nothing Is Impossible! *Mwahahahaha* *cough cough*

i've been delaying my artworks for deviantart. been really sick these past few days. today was better, but still... anyway, i finally got my Corel Painter IX. explored the brushes and colors 2 days ago, it's alot better than Adobe Photoshop. i mean in terms of color and brushes styles. gosh, i really need more than 24 hours a day! i mean, how am i going to do sooooooo many things in a day or two?! i wanna finish my story(but it's still stuck in chapter 1, as i'm darn busy nowadays with college and part-time), i wanna put up more artworks in deviantart, i wanna get more home part-time job, i wanna learn japanese/kanji, finish my assignments as soon as possible (i hate piles of homeworks on my table, i'd rather see mountains of cakes on it), i wanna quickly learn and get used to using my Bamboo Fun.... it's like so many unfinished business here...

and what's more, i'm working on a solo project (it wasn't for college or work), for my portfolio and my interest! i'm making a short animation. i won't be telling the title just yet cause' i'm currently at the stage of designing my characters and plot. and yeah, i think i need to do more research to make it better ^^ just... i really hope i can release something by.... like... around a month or two from now.

anyway! please look forward for more updates on my artworks and my slow-progress chapter 1 (it's sad to know the fact i'm still in chapter 1... when i can actually write something out in class for less than 30 minutes... be it, work or stories... kill me if i take more than half a year to write chapter 1... it's too saddening to know the fact. care to lend me your shoulder? *sobs*)

i heard The Sims 3 is out! Yoohoo!! i really want to play! BUT! i don't have the time *sobs* oh ms and mr lecturer! Have Mercy on the Poor me~! hope to get well soon!

Addicted to Legends...

I'm addicted to Native American's Legends. i read "Strong Wind" in Jodi Picoult's Picture Perfect, though its on few pages long, its really entertaining. since then, i started looking for more Native American Legends and i've found "The Last Of The Mohicans" by J. Fenimore Cooper. i just bought it today. i realized that the author's name and my uncle's dog's name are the same... Cooper, a boxer... the dog "Cooper" is a really lazy dog. it seems to me like he needs 100 people to help push him around instead of walking by itself. i really love dogs. love Husky! they're cuddly and cool. i never like skinny dogs with ultra thin legs, such as Chihuahua. their voice especially... are annoying. they don't bark, they squeak. it's deafening.

Anyway, i'm currently addicted to Miyano Mamoru's "BE". it's a really lovely song. i like his voice alot. it's so sweet.

Gambatte!!

finally some progression with my story and another artwork is done. think i'm getting use to my Bamboo Fun. really hope i can get used to it that i can draw something straight in my computer with the stylus. some people said it takes them 5-6 years to really really get used to it and draw perfectly *sobs* i'll be so old~ after 5 years! i can't wait! so... i came up with a solution to draw everyday or CG everyday. Must double my hardwork! (till i puke blood! *laughs*) of course, without neglecting my assignments and projects.. i would hate it, if i got a C or worst for my result... i'm aiming for a scholarship for my degree! so getting an A is a MUST!!! B is acceptable too but not C! God bless me with the ability to get used to my Bamboo Fun real~ soon, kay?

Is it Luck or Coincidence?

it's funny how i realize that i had such luck or "coincidence". Luck-wise, i lost my voice, i'm stuck with a subject i don't like, hazy weather and my fever got worst. Coincidentally, after i lost my voice, people started calling me that it felt more like spamming and they asked for help with their studies... they don't even bother to take a second look at me at college. such sad facts.

i had a really hard time talking to everyone today and i've been straining my voice like mad. gosh, i wished they would e-mail me instead. my voice is inaudible and i kept coughing and vomiting after i had my meals.

feels very dizzy... going to bed now.... nights!

Artistically Sick (?)

I've been sick for three days. today's the worst though, but what i did the entire day was drawing drawing and drawing. seems like ideas came rushing in my veins when i'm sick. suddenly i got so many ideas, i don't even know which to start.

my sore throat kills my voice. i've been silent since last night. great, all i can do is write messages on a piece of junkie paper and show it to everyone to convey what's in my mind. all i had today was porridge *sobs* help me~~~ i really need more sweet food! Cakes!!

i missed two classes today, hopefully i'm not left far far far~~ behind. gosh, i really need to get well soon. there are like so many things i have to do, my numerous assignments and projects, my part-time job, arts for deviantart, testing out new stuff in photoshop, more part-time job hunting, writing novels, study, research.... i'll be dead before i manage to finish all these... be grateful i'm still alive now.

the weather here is starting to be hazy.. why do indonesia love burning forests? its like this kind of weather happen every year around may to august or september. come on.. we, humans live with clean oxygen! not carbon dioxide or monoxide! i hate hazy weather + super duper hot season. i get sick easily with these. God oh God, bless the earth. Amen.

Buy Original, Use Original !!

trust me... Buy Original, Use Original!! not that i really mean expensive original designers shoes and all, i know not everyone can afford expensive branded ones... this is just what i think and i'm talking mostly about shoes (high heels, flats, wedges and even sports shoes!!!) Why? as the economy falls lower and lower, the shoes company (not only shoes, to be practical) tends to reduce their materials used for their production. with the reduction of those small things (to them), the shoes quality decreases and you'll experience something like what i experienced many times before. trust me... you wouldn't want something as embarassing as what i'll tell y'all after this...

i wore my new shoes today, which my aunt bought for me 'cause it's cheap. they doesn't have a famous brand on it, but i thought it look kinda nice and trendy. i wore it and went to college at 8.30a.m. and i had class from 9-11a.m, which means i sat in class most of the time.. and the duration i wore the shoes was not more than 5 hours. when i walked to the faculty office to get my results, my shoes' sole came off. =.= *sweats* it happened when i was on the 2nd floor, which requires me to walk a stairs down to go home. but as everyone knows, it'll be embarassing to walk around with a shoe which had their soles came off like peeled bananas. in this kind of situation, what would you do?

tell me what would you do in my comment, and i'll tell what i did after that. ^^


A piece of advice to everyone! about shoes (just my 2cents, i might be wrong though)

1. never buy shoes that are too cheap, they may be rejected products (please don't repeat the same mistake my aunt did)
2. beware of pirated brands - when you want to get a branded shoes for example, Puma, be alert about the logo they print on it. they may be a little different from the original. i'm telling this because if you get a pirated ones, you wouldn't be happy with the shoes after a few weeks or maybe a few days. it breaks easily. they are just "fragile"
3. when you buy sandals, do take note of the sole of the sandals and the print of the sole. some may be too smooth, that you'll easily fall down in smooth or slippery grounds.
   

Bamboo Fun... Does it better!!

7 years of waiting for my lovely precious Bamboo Fun, and I finally got 1 today. Though its kinda expensive compared to the last time I checked the price, I guess it's still worth it. I get to produce better artworks and am able to work a lot faster than before. Before I bought it, it took me at least 2 hours to render a picture. Now, it seems like I can get my work done in less than an hour. I reeealllyyyy wish I could spend the whole day working on the tablet but that can't do. Spending too much time in front of the computer kills my eyes and head. Check out my deviantart... http://viankay.deviantart.com... There's nothing much in there, but I'll be uploading my artworks soon! So! Keep updated!!

Twilight is an OK-OK movie. The book is much...much better. The main actor, Edward Cullen (Rob Pattinson), doesn't look like anything described in the book. It's kinda disappointing, and I was really looking forward to the show before. In the movie, Jasper and Carlisle are much more handsome than the main actor. *looks around, whisper* Doesn't vampires supposed to be handsome? I mean, come on... Why choose a weird looking guy for the main role?

Currently obsessed with Utada Hikaru's "This is the One" album...Seriously, she's talented. I love her voice and the lyrics for this album. Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence FYI and Apple and Cinnamon are my favorites!

Empty Shell

Never knowing when the people around me will die. Never knowing even, when I'll die. How I'll die. How much longer can I live with my dear mum. Often gives me a chilly feeling. Feeling of being left behind creeps me like shadows. The longer I live, the longer I felt that life itself is meaningless. Soon, my beloved's death anniversary will arrive. My longing and my feelings, none can reach it. My one and only friend, Wooly. He was always with me a year ago, easing my pain. But now that he's gone. Nothing seems alive to me. Nothing at all... I remember very well. The day he left me. I dug a grave for it in my house yard, crying. Though its hard to dig, I dug as much and as deep as I can, knowing I'll be moving to somewhere else which I then didn't know. I cried my heart and lungs out that day and I didn't even get to sleep. I sat at the yard, staring blankly at the grave. Even when time draws nearer and nearer for me to leave the old house, I never once felt excited about it. Feels like I leave behind something very important there, a part of me wanted to join Wooly in his venture to heaven. I was, however forced to leave.

As empty as I was from losing my precious one, I tried to go with the flow of life. Bullied as always. I've lost my sense of anger... together with true happiness. It started with I couldn't care less about what everyone has done to me and said about it. Lies, lies, lies. Nothing seems real.. even my smile doesn't seems real when i looked in the mirror. I would often think,"Is that stranger really me? What happen to my smile?". I felt like I've put on a permanent emotionless mask, but no matter how hard i tried to change myself. I couldn't forget all those pain I've gone through. All those bullying since high school, betrayal, discrimination... All I ever ask... , is for someone who sincerely care about me aside from my mother. I couldn't get myself to tell her about the things I've gone through outside, she's suffering too as it is.

Victorious yet Disappointing

I had a Malaysian Studies exam early this morning. Final exam to be precise and I can't believe that I actually scored an A for it! Why? ^^ Cause' I read the entire book once + I just finish reading last night. Happy to know that I'm capable of such miraculous thing. I did not even feel tension during the exam. It felt like just an exercise ^^ Anyway, this is only the first part of my day.


The second half of the day, turns out real bad. i mean REAAAALLL BAD! It was the Introduction to Animation class and we had our final presentation in the afternoon. the group consist of 5 members including me. All gals (well, practically they did not do much in contributing to the project). But anyway, the leader of the group, as I'm new to this college, I didn't know who were good in it and who's not. so anyway, back to the topic, the group leader gave me the position of character design, which means i have to design all the characters in the short animation. That was taken care of in the very first week of the semester, not to mention, the story doesn't have any meaning to it (I'm not the scriptwriter, someone excitedly took the job). but even with that script, I'm okay with it, as long as I can get marks for it.

Now, the main problem is, I finish all my parts in the project way waaay early before the deadline (character designs, prop designs, create all characters in Flash, worked on scene 5-8). Not only do they did their work last minute, they even left out scene 7 and 8 which is 22seconds long. my marks was deducted just like that. the one who burn the CD was the group leader and her "faithful" assistant which does nothing to contribute in the project. No solutions from them. They said that all files were gone. I had to correct everything myself, including extra works like rendering, adding sound effects and compiling the entire project. And guess what, I only had 1 day to correct everything. Solo-ing 5 person's work. Hope I can make it in time. ^^